dangerismymiddlename.com Photos, Motorsport, Web

22Feb/133

From the Office of Poorly-named Products

I added new ones on 2010-08-18 thanks to suggestions by the SV\DL Riders Google list, Kay Kile, and an episode of Top Gear. So far I have avoided punny hair salon names such as "Sheer Perfection", "A Cut Above", "US Hair Force", and "Curl Up And Dye", but they do deserve a special place. " (Yes, I know "Curl Up And Dye" is from the Blues Brothers, but folks have used it for real salons too.) I added RePOOPulate on 2013-02-22. My medical-doctor spouse told me about the name, but she doesn't agree that it belongs here.

Bad Non-automotive Product Names

There are so many poorly-named cars, that they get their own section.

AcipHex

Thumper Ray suggested this one: "How about a drug pronounced 'ass effects' that has flatulence listed as the third most common side effect and constipation as number five.  Ass effects indeed." I was actually able to Google the correct spelling of AcipHex by typing it in phonetically: not a good sign.

Barf

I can't make this stuff up.  Kay actually brought a box back from Azerbaijan.

The photo is by Flickr user almada, and is licensed under Creative Commons.

The photo is by Flickr user almada, and is licensed under Creative Commons.

Duke Nukem Forever

Apogee Software (a/k/a 3D Realms) released the Duke Nukem video game in 1991, Duke Nukem II in 1993, and Duke Nukem 3D in 1996. The name "Duke Nukem 3D" is a pun; it's the 3d version of the game, and it's played in 3D.  How will come up with a pun for version Duke 4? How about "Duke Nukem Forever" (4-ever, Duke  4, get it)?  ...only, it's been over 13 years since the last version of the game was released. It really is taking them "forever" to complete it.

GoLYTELY

GoLYTELY is a polyethylene-glycol-electrolyte-solution that makes everything in your digestive system come out really, really fast: "go lightly" indeed. Yes. Polyethylene-glycol is also the stuff in Miralax: which does work mildly, but the same cannot be said for GoLYTELY.
On another note: the word polyethylene-glycol-electrolyte-solution sounds to me like something that you could make by melting a full bottle of Gatorade.

Hydrox

John suggested Hydrox: a cookie that sounds like a chemical. Donlon McGovern added: "Yeah, and with all that sodium they could call them Sodium Hydroxides but then that would be a little caustic."

Nanotax

There is a new cancer drug called Nanotax: as if they combined the words "nano" and "tax", and no, that's not a mistake. NanoTax is a contraction of the words "nano", and "paclitaxel", but who can hear the name of this product without thinking of being taxed for every little thing?

Razorbraces

I know how vitally important it is to let your patients know that you are a fan of the geographically local sports team. Who would go to an orthodontist that wasn't? That said, getting braces is bad enough, without getting razorbraces in your mouth.

Razorbraces.com

RePOOPulate

Antibiotics can kill your normal gut bacteria, when this happens, a "bad" bacteria named Clostridium difficile can take over and cause symptoms ranging from diarrhea to life-threatening inflammation of the colon.

What's a hospital to do when this happens? So far they repopulate the normal gut bacteria by implanting a healthy-person's stool in the patient. I can't make this stuff up. University of Guelph microbiologist Emma Allen-Vercoe developed a new product to replace the poop, and what did they name it? So far it's called RePOOPulate. That's right, even if you use the product that isn't real poop, every time that you hear-or-read its name you will think of nothing but implanted poop.

Here's the word on my family's opinion about this name. Dr. Kay Ann Kile M.D., "I think it's perfect. I don't even think that it falls under the category of poorly-named. It's medical humor."  Gershwin: "if Cassidy was here and she [heard you read that], I would be scarred for life."

Bad Automotive Product Names

There are so many poorly-named cars, that they get their own section.

AMC Gremlin

Gremlin is also another name for a mechanical problem.  This was like naming your Operating System "Buggy".

Ford Aspire

Does it aspire to be: a car?

Chevy Nova

Nova: a star that suddenly increases its light output tremendously and then fades away to its former obscurity in a few months or years.
I never believed the other explanation. Folks would say, "No va means doesn't go in Spanish!" and I would say, "The word nova means the same thing to Spanish-speaking people as it does to English-speaking people. It's a scientific term."

Honda Fit

  • It's small enough to fit in your other car.
  • You'll barely fit in it?
  • It will remind you of your kids throwing a fit ?

Daihatsu Charade

The word charade means a piece of ridiculous pretence which is so obvious that it does not deceive anyone. Was this meant to be a parody of a car? Because it only had 3-cylinders? Americans weren't buying 3-cylinder cars back then ('88-'92). Daihatsus are no longer sold in the US.

This photo by is by WikiMedia Commons user Tennen-Gas, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

This photo by is by WikiMedia Commons user Tennen-Gas, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

Honda Odyssey

"I know! Let's name our vehicle after a story about a trip... a trip that takes many years... and takes the lives of many sailors. Yeah that's a great idea."

Honda Prelude

Remember: the prelude introduces what comes later.  OK, then that's the car I want.

Mitsubishi Lancer

Lancing what? Lancing boils? Lancing people on horseback?

Mitsubishi Mirage

It's not real. It's only a mirage.

Subaru Justy

Is it just barely a car?

Toyota Urban Cruiser

I believe that Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear described an Urban Cruiser as "someone that you don't want around a school with children in it". That sounds about right. It's not available in the US, but it is very similar to a Scion xD, which is.

This photo by is by WikiMedia Commons user Matthias93, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

This photo by is by WikiMedia Commons user Matthias93, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

From the Office of Reused Product-names

Honda Odyssey

This is a Honda Odyssey. These little guys were sold from 1977 until sometime in the 1980's It was a very popular product, but who today thinks about anything, except minivans when they hear the name "Honda Odyssey"?  I really envied the people that drove these when I was a teenager.  I lived in the Adirondack area, and folks would ride these on the frozen ice. This video is by alicecooper2009 (if that is his real name):

Honda Pilot

The original Honda Pilot was not an SUV.  It was a miniature dune buggy, just like the Honda Odyssey.  Bad Honda.  No bisquit. This video is by StonerLouie:

Microsoft Access

Microsoft Access isn't a very good name for a DBMS.  When I mention that folks usually say, "But it helps you to 'access' data", but all programs help you to access data.  Being able to use a computer, when you cannot even get to a physical console?  Now, that would be a good product for the name Access to belong to, and it did.  Microsoft Access was originally the name of a Terminal Emulator.

Mitsubishi Lancer, Mitsubishi Mirage

It was the best of car names, it was the worst of car names. This is the tale of two car names.
When Mitsubishi first chose to sell the Mitsubishi Lancer in the US, they called it the "Mitsubishi Mirage", because Chrysler used to sell a car called the "Dodge Lancer" in the US. Eventually Chrysler gave Mitsubishi permission to sell a car named "Lancer" in the US, so they eventually renamed the US Mirage the "Mitsubishi Lancer".
At this point you are probably thinking, "OK Paul, but Mitsubishi sold a car in the US called the 'Mitsubishi Mirage' at the same time that they were calling the Mitsubishi Lancer the 'Mitsubishi Lancer' in the US,"  and if that's what you are thinking, then you are correct. The Great Mistubishi Mirage/Lancer Naming Disaster has additional chapters.

Filed under: 5) Other, Products 3 Comments
9Jan/130

Gershwin R.S. Kile in Line

I hope that you like this image as much as I do.

This is my daughter Gershwin. She is in-line for something-or-other at Walt Disney World. Gershwin is originally from Azerbaijan. Coincidentally, the woman in back looks like her.

2011-11-10_Disney World - Gershwin in line_512px

7Jan/131

Note to Self: Check Clearance BEFORE Opening Garage Door

2012-01-02_FAIL_512px

Filed under: 1) Photos, Snapshots 1 Comment
4Jan/130

1 trailer 1 block 4 heads 32 studs, springs, valves, and circlips

April 21, 2012

2012-04-21 - 1 block, 4 heads, 32 springs valves and circlips - 512px

7Dec/120

My Contact Information Cards

1Dec/120

Free CAT Scans

Here are my first two homemade CAT Scans. Impressive?

Cliff Bleszinski used to have a site called catscan.com. His fans would send him cat scanography, and he would post in on the site.


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9Nov/120

Photos, Opinion, Information

2011-09-14 - Heartland Park Topeka - Touring Club - C.J. McAbee's Formula 500 Car [small]

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15May/120

Yngwie Malmsteen Live, Tokyo, 1985

In 1984 I got to see these guys open for AC/DC.

  • At 4:23 the band starts.
  • The first guitar solo is at 6:07.
  • The keyboards and guitar do a high-speed Baroque-thing simultaneously at 9:55.
  • 35:00 is the beginning of I am a Viking. Watch that.
  • 44:47 begins an almost 10 minute long guitar solo.

Unfortunately the video's audio quality is not best, but you can still get the idea of what this was like.

They Were The Opening Act

Almost everyone came for AC/DC, and AC/DC brought everything they had:

  • Fake cannons? Check. (They sounded real, and fire shot out of them, until the cannons' amp blew a fuse, then it was quiet fire shooting out of them.)
  • Fake bells? Check.
  • Fake TNT? Yes.
  • Angus' school uniform. Yep.
  • Angus plays a solo off-the-stage, and in-the-crowd, on some guy's back? Check.

Yngwie Malmsteen's band's props? They have long hair, and he has a piece of tape on his guitar that says "PLAY LOUD" on it.

After That Concert They Were Off The Tour

Something really weird happened; after each AC/DC song there were fewer people in the stadium. The place was almost empty by the time Angus played his solo.

This was a time when Heavy Metal wasn't played on much of the radio. In my town, major bands played shows at a loss (according to a local union roady). The shows existed to sell records; these days the records exist to sell concert tickets.

There Was Magic At That Concert, And This Video Shows Us How The Magician Does Some Of It

Note: there are some guesses here. If you know more details, then please comment below.

He Played A Solo With His Teeth!

Yeah, but here we can see that he is actually using hammer-ons. There were no teeth harmed in the making of that solo.

His Feedback Moved Through Each Row Of The Crowd!

There appeared to be a standing wave that moved through the crowd from the front of the stage to the back, slowly. In the video, during that sound, the camera focused on the keyboard player. He was slowly twisting a potentiometer. A synthesizer can slowly change the pitch, in a more consistent way, than a guitar player can, but we were all looking at the guitar! (Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain!)

This part is a guess. I can't tell the difference between a mode, where a standing wave creates more volume, and someone cranking up the volume when a specific note plays. One would need to make measurements in different places.

Then At One Point He Held The Guitar In A Specific Spot, And The Feedback Made It Sound Like A UFO!

In this video, Malmsteen holds up the guitar, then looks at the audience, then looks at the guitar. While we are all looking that the guitar (see 55:49), he tweaks a potentiometer on a piece of equipment (see 55:53). Maybe he was tweaking a digital delay.

Weird

We can see Moog Taurus Bass Pedals at the edge of the stage, but I didn't see him play them during this video, or during the other concert. A Taurus-like analog synthesizer would make an awesome guitar effects device, but they can't do that out-of-the-box, because they don't have a place to plug-in a replacement oscillator.

Since the 1980s, I wondered why guitar synths were designed as (mistakenly) glitchy MIDI controllers, when the guitar itself could replace the oscillator, in an analog synth, or a digital representation of one, and that would have no tracking problems at all. I thought that this was my idea, but Wikipedia now tells me that these existed in the 1070's. They are coming back in style in recent days: the guitar gets digitized, and that gets sent to a digital emulation of an analog-synth.

Filed under: Music No Comments
14May/120

Places Where I Have Been

States That I Have Lived:

States Where I Have Worked:

States Where I Rode Motorcycles (Florida was a scooter):

States That I Have Traveled-to:

Countries? I've only been to the USA, Canada, and Mexico.

Alabama
Alaska
Arizona
Arkansas        [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked] [Rode]
California      [Traveled]         [Worked]
Colorado
Connecticut     [Traveled]         [Worked]
Delaware        [Traveled]
Florida         [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked] [Rode] (scooter)
Georgia         [Traveled]
Hawaii
Idaho
Illinois        [Traveled]         [Worked] [Rode]
Indiana         [Traveled]                  [Rode]
Iowa            [Traveled]
Kansas          [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked] [Rode]
Kentucky        [Traveled]
Louisiana       [Traveled]
Maine           [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked]
Maryland        [Traveled]
Massachusetts   [Traveled]         [Worked]
Michigan        [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked]
Minnesota       [Traveled]         [Worked]
Mississippi
Missouri        [Traveled]                  [Rode]
Montana
Nebraska        [Traveled]
New Hampshire   [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked]
New Jersey      [Traveled]         [Worked]
New Mexico      [Traveled]
New York        [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked]
North Carolina  [Traveled]
North Dakota
Ohio            [Traveled]         [Worked]
Oklahoma        [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked] [Rode]
Oregon
Pennsylvania    [Traveled]
Rhode Island    [Traveled]
South Carolina  [Traveled]
South Dakota
Tennessee       [Traveled]         [Worked] [Rode]
Texas           [Traveled] [Lived] [Worked] [Rode]
Utah
Vermont         [Traveled]
Virginia        [Traveled]
West Virginia   [Traveled]
Wisconsin       [Traveled]
Wyoming
Washington
Washington D.C. [Traveled]
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