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22Feb/133

From the Office of Poorly-named Products

I added new ones on 2010-08-18 thanks to suggestions by the SV\DL Riders Google list, Kay Kile, and an episode of Top Gear. So far I have avoided punny hair salon names such as "Sheer Perfection", "A Cut Above", "US Hair Force", and "Curl Up And Dye", but they do deserve a special place. " (Yes, I know "Curl Up And Dye" is from the Blues Brothers, but folks have used it for real salons too.) I added RePOOPulate on 2013-02-22. My medical-doctor spouse told me about the name, but she doesn't agree that it belongs here.

Bad Non-automotive Product Names

There are so many poorly-named cars, that they get their own section.

AcipHex

Thumper Ray suggested this one: "How about a drug pronounced 'ass effects' that has flatulence listed as the third most common side effect and constipation as number five.  Ass effects indeed." I was actually able to Google the correct spelling of AcipHex by typing it in phonetically: not a good sign.

Barf

I can't make this stuff up.  Kay actually brought a box back from Azerbaijan.

254689286 634f73ce22 From the Office of Poorly named Products

The photo is by Flickr user almada, and is licensed under Creative Commons.

Duke Nukem Forever

Apogee Software (a/k/a 3D Realms) released the Duke Nukem video game in 1991, Duke Nukem II in 1993, and Duke Nukem 3D in 1996. The name "Duke Nukem 3D" is a pun; it's the 3d version of the game, and it's played in 3D.  How will come up with a pun for version Duke 4? How about "Duke Nukem Forever" (4-ever, Duke  4, get it)?  ...only, it's been over 13 years since the last version of the game was released. It really is taking them "forever" to complete it.

GoLYTELY

GoLYTELY is a polyethylene-glycol-electrolyte-solution that makes everything in your digestive system come out really, really fast: "go lightly" indeed. Yes. Polyethylene-glycol is also the stuff in Miralax: which does work mildly, but the same cannot be said for GoLYTELY.
On another note: the word polyethylene-glycol-electrolyte-solution sounds to me like something that you could make by melting a full bottle of Gatorade.

Hydrox

John suggested Hydrox: a cookie that sounds like a chemical. Donlon McGovern added: "Yeah, and with all that sodium they could call them Sodium Hydroxides but then that would be a little caustic."

Nanotax

There is a new cancer drug called Nanotax: as if they combined the words "nano" and "tax", and no, that's not a mistake. NanoTax is a contraction of the words "nano", and "paclitaxel", but who can hear the name of this product without thinking of being taxed for every little thing?

Razorbraces

I know how vitally important it is to let your patients know that you are a fan of the geographically local sports team. Who would go to an orthodontist that wasn't? That said, getting braces is bad enough, without getting razorbraces in your mouth.

 From the Office of Poorly named Products

RePOOPulate

Antibiotics can kill your normal gut bacteria, when this happens, a "bad" bacteria named Clostridium difficile can take over and cause symptoms ranging from diarrhea to life-threatening inflammation of the colon.

What's a hospital to do when this happens? So far they repopulate the normal gut bacteria by implanting a healthy-person's stool in the patient. I can't make this stuff up. University of Guelph microbiologist Emma Allen-Vercoe developed a new product to replace the poop, and what did they name it? So far it's called RePOOPulate. That's right, even if you use the product that isn't real poop, every time that you hear-or-read its name you will think of nothing but implanted poop.

Here's the word on my family's opinion about this name. Dr. Kay Ann Kile M.D., "I think it's perfect. I don't even think that it falls under the category of poorly-named. It's medical humor."  Gershwin: "if Cassidy was here and she [heard you read that], I would be scarred for life."

Bad Automotive Product Names

There are so many poorly-named cars, that they get their own section.

AMC Gremlin

Gremlin is also another name for a mechanical problem.  This was like naming your Operating System "Buggy".

Ford Aspire

Does it aspire to be: a car?

Chevy Nova

Nova: a star that suddenly increases its light output tremendously and then fades away to its former obscurity in a few months or years.
I never believed the other explanation. Folks would say, "No va means doesn't go in Spanish!" and I would say, "The word nova means the same thing to Spanish-speaking people as it does to English-speaking people. It's a scientific term."

Honda Fit

  • It's small enough to fit in your other car.
  • You'll barely fit in it?
  • It will remind you of your kids throwing a fit ?

Daihatsu Charade

The word charade means a piece of ridiculous pretence which is so obvious that it does not deceive anyone. Was this meant to be a parody of a car? Because it only had 3-cylinders? Americans weren't buying 3-cylinder cars back then ('88-'92). Daihatsus are no longer sold in the US.

 From the Office of Poorly named Products

This photo by is by WikiMedia Commons user Tennen-Gas, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

Honda Odyssey

"I know! Let's name our vehicle after a story about a trip... a trip that takes many years... and takes the lives of many sailors. Yeah that's a great idea."

Honda Prelude

Remember: the prelude introduces what comes later.  OK, then that's the car I want.

Mitsubishi Lancer

Lancing what? Lancing boils? Lancing people on horseback?

Mitsubishi Mirage

It's not real. It's only a mirage.

Subaru Justy

Is it just barely a car?

Toyota Urban Cruiser

I believe that Jeremy Clarkson of Top Gear described an Urban Cruiser as "someone that you don't want around a school with children in it". That sounds about right. It's not available in the US, but it is very similar to a Scion xD, which is.

 From the Office of Poorly named Products

This photo by is by WikiMedia Commons user Matthias93, and is licensed under the Creative Commons Attribution-Share Alike 3.0 Unported license.

From the Office of Reused Product-names

Honda Odyssey

This is a Honda Odyssey. These little guys were sold from 1977 until sometime in the 1980's It was a very popular product, but who today thinks about anything, except minivans when they hear the name "Honda Odyssey"?  I really envied the people that drove these when I was a teenager.  I lived in the Adirondack area, and folks would ride these on the frozen ice. This video is by alicecooper2009 (if that is his real name):

Honda Pilot

The original Honda Pilot was not an SUV.  It was a miniature dune buggy, just like the Honda Odyssey.  Bad Honda.  No bisquit. This video is by StonerLouie:

Microsoft Access

Microsoft Access isn't a very good name for a DBMS.  When I mention that folks usually say, "But it helps you to 'access' data", but all programs help you to access data.  Being able to use a computer, when you cannot even get to a physical console?  Now, that would be a good product for the name Access to belong to, and it did.  Microsoft Access was originally the name of a Terminal Emulator.

Mitsubishi Lancer, Mitsubishi Mirage

It was the best of car names, it was the worst of car names. This is the tale of two car names.
When Mitsubishi first chose to sell the Mitsubishi Lancer in the US, they called it the "Mitsubishi Mirage", because Chrysler used to sell a car called the "Dodge Lancer" in the US. Eventually Chrysler gave Mitsubishi permission to sell a car named "Lancer" in the US, so they eventually renamed the US Mirage the "Mitsubishi Lancer".
At this point you are probably thinking, "OK Paul, but Mitsubishi sold a car in the US called the 'Mitsubishi Mirage' at the same time that they were calling the Mitsubishi Lancer the 'Mitsubishi Lancer' in the US,"  and if that's what you are thinking, then you are correct. The Great Mistubishi Mirage/Lancer Naming Disaster has additional chapters.

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  1. It is not Ford that made the gremlin it was AMC

  2. Of course honored to make your page, regardless of your assumptions – BUT you did however figure out very quickly that razorbraces.com was the WEBSITE for an orthodontic office – and the orthodontics office voted #1 Best in NWA! :) Since Northwest Arkansas already remembers their beloved razorbacks – their finding our website is that much easier for them – making us one of the most traffic-heavy websites in NWA as well! Thanks for stopping by! :)


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