dangerismymiddlename.com

The Old Homestead

I used to live in the-middle-of-nowhere: no electricity, no running water, no phone, no mobile service, no sewer, etc. The house was built in the 1800s. We lived on the porch, used unleaded-fuel in our Coleman lanterns, flushed the toilet by poring buckets-of-rainwater in, showered on the back porch over a rattlesnake’s home. I showered fast.

I actually attempted to order phone service from the phone company. They told me that they would provide it, if I would pay them to install the telephone poles. Riiiight.

Some animals lived in the walls of the main house, we stayed on the porch, The critters in the walls of the main house were mostly mice, birds, and raccoons: although a black bear did hibernate in the basement the previous Winter: Grizzly-trucking-Adams.

Someone shot a raccoon near the house. It managed to climb into a second-story window, and drag its sorry-self all the way down to the first floor hallway with its intestines trailing behind. Where it died. Bastard.

Our friends from college would spend the weekends out there at the house, and there was so-little light polution, that we would lie on the cars and see man-made satellites with the naked eye.

What can I tell you about roughing it? Peanut butter does not need to be refrigerated.

Fun With Fuel

I would put our trash into a 55 gallon drum, and burn it to make it smaller (yeah, yeah, global warming). There was no trash collection service available. One time I was getting aggressive with the trash tamping, and there were some fuel-filled rags down low, and I was tamping some other trash on top and BOOOOOM! The damned-thing shot raining-fire all over the place! Like the Trash Cannon From Hell. Trash falling here: sidestep. Trash falling there: sidestep.

I had one coworker once, that misjudged the fuse-length on a home-made explosive that he and his buddy were shooting out of their cannon. They wanted it to explode in the sky. It blew a hole in the Post Office. The FBI came to visit, and it was a bad-scene all around.

…and the cow jumped over the fence

Heifer: a female bovine too-young to give birth.
Bullock: a male circumcised bovine, AKA, a steer.

We had heifers living on the land. 50% of the dairy farmers that visited said, “if one cow learns to jump the fence, then all the others will follow her”, and 50% said, “Cows don’t jump fences” I imagined the latter folks wasting a lot of time looking for holes in fences. The heifers at our house would jump, oh yes, and in the morning I would look out at the just-jumped bovines, and say, “Them’s some real heifers.” The heifer owning people? There last name was… wait for it… let the comic-timing be right… Remember the definitions up above? Bullock.

Petting zoos

One night: SLAM!!! “WHEEEEEE! WHEEEE! WHEEEE!” SLAM!!! “WHEEEEEE! WHEEEE! WHEEEE!” I say to my (now-ex) wife: “You open the door, and wait behind it. I’ll hit that thing over the head with this log splitter.” SLAM!!! “WHEEEEEE! WHEEEE! WHEEEE!” She opens the door, and there waits a pet racoon. It just kinda stands there for a minute, and then gets cosy in our bed. Great. OK. The racoon can stay for a little while: the alternative is door slamming, and racoon screaming. This did not last long. Raccoons like to rock-and-roll all night, and sleep every day, and you know what? I had a job to go-to.

There was only one solution; wrap “Rascal” in a blanket, and drive him far enough, that he can’t find his way back. I drove home imaging the little guy going to the very first door that he could find. SLAM!!! “WHEEEEEE! WHEEEE! WHEEEE!” BOOOM!: he then manages to climb into someone’s window, and drag his sorry-self all the way down to the first floor hallway with its intestines trailing behind him.

There goes the neighborhood

Let’s take a step back in this story. Our house had no neighbors since the beginning of time. What happens as soon as we move in? An 18-wheeler mother-trucking-flatbed pulls up with a huntin’ cabin on back, and drops said huntin’ cabin directly across the street, fucking-up my pristine view of our 100% Maple Syrup producing Maple trees. Why? Mr. Bullock got a two-for-one deal on used huntin’ cabins, and really only needed the one.

A few weeks later a family of three moves in. My new neighbor wants to provide for his family: in a place with zero jobs. So, he made a deal with Mr. Bullock: “I fix your fences. You let me live in your extra huntin’ cabin.”

Our neighbors also lacked the comforts-of-home. They did however, have a Honda hooked-up to the TV.

So, the new neighbor tells me how racoon mommas yell bloody murder, but they won’t… actually… attack. He tells me how this momma racoon chose the huntin’ cabin for birthing her babies. So he removed each of the baby racoons one at a time, and then he removed the momma racoon, but he kept one baby there. This baby grew up to be Rascal. I believe that Rascal had a doggy-door that he, and the dog, could use to go in-and-out. He also had a buddy to play with: the dog.

We went camping for our summer vacation. The woman from across the street came to visit:
“Where did you go last week?”
“Camping.”
“Us too.”
“Our cabin had running water and electricity!”
“Us too.”

Momma neighbor gets sick of pretending that “our life is fun just like camping”, and says, “I am going to move in with my parents. You can stay, or you can come”, and that’s how Rascal ended up with no home.

That’s not going to work; USB CD-ROM drives are read-only. Perhaps other devices are having similar issues? Here is the fix:

1. Choose the “Settings” menu on your Fascinate.
2. Choose the “Applications” menu item.
3. If  ”USB Debugging” is unchecked, then check it.
4. Power down
5. Plug in the USB cable.
6. Power up

There’s the fix? I am sorry, I meant: “Here’s The Fixx.” http://youtu.be/sUKnmBDngA4

Yes, the motorcyclist broke a couple of traffic laws, and that’s not smart, because it angers people, and is potentially dangerous, but this truck (apparently with Kentucky plate number 396-DYR) is a deadly weapon.

BILL NUMBER: SB 435	CHAPTERED
	BILL TEXT

	CHAPTER  407
	FILED WITH SECRETARY OF STATE  SEPTEMBER 28, 2010
	APPROVED BY GOVERNOR  SEPTEMBER 28, 2010
	PASSED THE SENATE  AUGUST 30, 2010
	PASSED THE ASSEMBLY  AUGUST 18, 2010
	AMENDED IN ASSEMBLY  AUGUST 9, 2010
	AMENDED IN ASSEMBLY  JUNE 30, 2010
	AMENDED IN ASSEMBLY  JUNE 22, 2010
	AMENDED IN ASSEMBLY  JUNE 15, 2010
	AMENDED IN ASSEMBLY  JUNE 10, 2010
	AMENDED IN ASSEMBLY  JANUARY 11, 2010
	AMENDED IN SENATE  MAY 28, 2009
	AMENDED IN SENATE  APRIL 13, 2009

INTRODUCED BY   Senator Pavley
   (Coauthor: Senator Lowenthal)

                        FEBRUARY 26, 2009

   An act to add Section 27202.1 to the Vehicle Code, relating to
vehicles.

	LEGISLATIVE COUNSEL'S DIGEST

   SB 435, Pavley. Vehicles: pollution control devices.
   (1) Existing federal regulations require a motorcycle manufactured
on and after January 1, 1983, and exhaust emission systems for those
motorcycles, to meet specified noise emissions standards and require
that a label be affixed onto the motorcycle or exhaust emission
system indicating that the motorcycle or exhaust emission system
meets the noise emissions standards.
   This bill would make it a crime for a person to park, use, or
operate a motorcycle, registered in the state, that is manufactured
on and after January 1, 2013, or a motorcycle, registered in the
state, with aftermarket exhaust system equipment that is manufactured
on or after January 1, 2013, that does not have the above label, and
would make a violation of this provision punishable by a specified
fine, thereby imposing a state-mandated local program by creating a
new crime. The bill would require the person to whom a notice to
appear is issued, or against whom a complaint is filed, for the above
violation, to provide proof of correction. The bill would authorize
a court to dismiss the penalty imposed for a first violation if the
person produces proof of correction to the satisfaction of the court.

   (2) The California Constitution requires the state to reimburse
local agencies and school districts for certain costs mandated by the
state. Statutory provisions establish procedures for making that
reimbursement.
   This bill would provide that no reimbursement is required by this
act for a specified reason.

THE PEOPLE OF THE STATE OF CALIFORNIA DO ENACT AS FOLLOWS:

  SECTION 1.  Section 27202.1 is added to the Vehicle Code, to read:
   27202.1.  (a) Notwithstanding any other law, a person shall not
park, use, or operate a motorcycle, registered in the State of
California, that does not bear the required applicable federal
Environmental Protection Agency exhaust system label pursuant to
Subparts D (commencing with Section 205.150) and E (commencing with
Section 205.164) of Part 205 of Title 40 of the Code of Federal
Regulations. A violation of this section shall be considered a
mechanical violation and a peace officer shall not stop a motorcycle
solely on a suspicion of a violation of this section. A peace officer
shall cite a violation of this section as a secondary infraction.
   (b) A violation of this section is punishable as follows:
   (1) For a first conviction, by a fine of not less than fifty
dollars ($50), nor more than one hundred dollars ($100).
   (2) For a second or subsequent conviction, by a fine of not less
than one hundred dollars ($100), nor more than two hundred fifty
dollars ($250).
   (c) (1) The notice to appear issued or complaint filed for a
violation of this section shall require that the person to whom the
notice to appear is issued, or against whom the complaint is filed,
produce proof of correction pursuant to Section 40150.
   (2) Upon producing proof of correction to the satisfaction of the
court, the court may dismiss the penalty imposed pursuant to
subdivision (b) for a first violation of this section.
   (d) (1) This section is applicable to a person operating a
motorcycle that is manufactured on or after January 1, 2013, or a
motorcycle with aftermarket exhaust system equipment that is
manufactured on or after January 1, 2013.
   (2) Penalties imposed pursuant to this section are in addition to
penalties imposed pursuant to any other applicable laws or
regulations.
   (3) This section does not supersede, negate, or otherwise alter
any other applicable laws or regulations.
  SEC. 2.  No reimbursement is required by this act pursuant to
Section 6 of Article XIII B of the California Constitution because
the only costs that may be incurred by a local agency or school
district will be incurred because this act creates a new crime or
infraction, eliminates a crime or infraction, or changes the penalty
for a crime or infraction, within the meaning of Section 17556 of the
Government Code, or changes the definition of a crime within the
meaning of Section 6 of Article XIII B of the California
Constitution.

1. Back when Steve Jobs started talking about fragmentation there was no real issue. Yes, there were different OS versions, but almost every app worked on Android 1.5+, and the few that didn’t, were released as two versions. Since then Google has released the latest versions of some of it’s own apps for Android 2.3+ only (gmail, maps, etc). Unfortunately too many Android computers are pre 2.3. It’s not just Google though.

Google reports that the market share for Android 2.0+ is very good, but the major break didn’t occur between 1.x and 2.x. Here are the ranges of compatibility:

• The earliest family of devices ran Android 1.5 (Cupcake).
• The “you really need to send your users an OS upgrade now” range includes Android 1.6 (Donut) and 2.1 (Eclair).
• The current versions for smallish screens are 2.2 (Froyo), 2.3, and 2.3.3 (Gingerbread).
• The current version for tablets is 3.0 (Honeycomb).
• The next version will combine Gingerbread and Honeycomb, be called Ice Cream Sandwich.

2. Some of the vendor customizations have very little value to us. Samsung using a different file system is an example of this.

3. Android licensees are not providing timely upgrades to the Android OS, in part (we believe), because that would involve porting their bloatware. We can use a free app, support a developer, or pay Verizon ad infinitum. Which will we choose? If we make the best choice, then the bloat has no value.

The carriers’ attitude seems to be “You will get your upgrade when you buy a new computer in two years!” That may have made sense when phone software could not be easily upgraded, but those days are long gone. The carriers developed these bloatware habits when men were real men, mobile phones were real mobile phones, and little green creatures from Alpha Centauri, were real little green creatures from Alpha Centauri. Adding a bunch of extras made sense in a world where the phone’s software is permanent, but that world is long gone.

These aren’t phones, they are general purpose computers, and users that realize recognize these as-such are very disappointed. Would Micrsoft get away with forcing us to by a new computer in order to get the latest Windows? No. Would my ISP get away with charging me twice, because I have more than one computer on my wifi-enabled router? No. So why does Verizon think that I should pay for their tethering app? My PC’s browser, and my Android’s browser use the same bandwidth. The ISP metaphor is particularly relevant, because there was a time when cable co. ISPs accused router owners of stealing services, just as mobile carriers do when tethering is found.

We all need to stop using the word phone. “Device”, “Android”, or “handheld computer”, are better choices. Simply using the word phone instead of these, completely changes many people’s expectations. Conceptually phones and computers are completely different. In reality, in 2011, they are completely the same thing.

#1 above is fixable:

• The best fix would be for someone to step up to the plate and provide OS upgrades: for pay, or gratis.
• Another solution would be to implement those 2.3 features in a static library that developers could distribute with their apps. Google’s strategy for tablet app compatibility is like this.
• A less desirable solution (I assume) would be for Google to put those features into the next versions of their apps, as opposed to expecting the OS to provide them. This would make the apps larger, and force Google to fix bugs in two different code branches.
• The worst solution would be to leave pre-Froyo devices out in the cold.

Apparently Google’s Anti-fragmentation Agreement is a step in the direction of fixing #2, and #3, above. So what’s the Anti-fragmentation Agreement? It’s an agreement between Google, and partners, that is meant to guide decisions in a non-fragmentation-causing way. The forums are full of Anti-fragmentation Agreement rumors, and MIPS chose to make a statement to clarify, apparently without violating any non-disclosure agreements.